All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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