I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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