I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
