I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
