You smell like a Billy Joel song
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
