It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
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