Sry I called you an 8
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
