Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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