Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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