am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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