i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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