i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
