i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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