peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
