do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
