i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
