He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I cut my penus on the lid.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Well I just put wine in my tea
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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