the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
