I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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