Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
