highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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