I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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