Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Randomize
