i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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