yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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