Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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