Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
If I die, sorry about rent.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
