if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
