He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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