tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
