hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
