I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
