This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
