do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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