I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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