he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
