Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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