I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize