Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
