Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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