We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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