After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
