i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I think i got beer on your cat.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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