My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
