Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
