with your own penis?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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