got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
