How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize