is your mom at the bar?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
