we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
