On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
