Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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