If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
