You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
