true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
