Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
