He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize