took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize