Well douche your snatch and let's go!
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
