Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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