Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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