So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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