Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
