He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize