Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
