My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
