I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
