Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
