Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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