the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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