are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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