so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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