dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
