I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
