i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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